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Top Ten Reasons We Do Not Need Gun Control

by Alec on January 2, 2013 · 1 comment

1) Guns Don’t Kill People, Pencils Do

Yes, you can kill folks with lots of different things. It is the exact same thing to be attacked with a pencil as it is to be attacked with a gun. The lethality of of a pencil, hammer, or knife is the same. This is iron clad logic.

2) Registering Stuff Means It Gets Taken Away.

Just last summer I bought a new car. I had to register it. Any day now the guv’ment will come take away my car. I know registering my gun would immediately lead to someone taking it. It is not a paranoid delusion. Just like they are going to take my car, house, and vote. All things I have registered with the government.

3) Speaking of registering, you shouldn’t have to register to do something in the Bill Of Rights.

In fact, I say we organize ourselves and go practice our 1st Amendment Right to Assembly down at City Hall. If you’re in, let me know, and I will go register for a permit post haste.

4) You cannot regulate anything in the Bill of Rights.

The 4th, 5th, and 8th Amendments have already been regulated out of existence, but true constitutional conservatives only really need to protect the 2nd. The guv’ment can spy on you, or lock you away without trial now, but your deer rifle will protect you when the S.W.A.T. team comes.

5) If you outlaw arms, only outlaws with have arms.

This one is just common sense. For decades we have outlawed grenade launches and fully automatic, belt fed arms. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to face down a grenade launcher armed bandit with no machine gun to protect my own self.

6) If you want to regulate guns, it means you are Hitler, Pol Pot, Mao,  Stalin, and another guy I saw in a Facebook picture mash-up.

Those are all the terrible folks that wanted to take away your guns. Regulating guns is the exact same as taking them away. We already discussed that earlier about my car and it’s inevitable guv’ment confiscation.  

7) Regulating assault weapons will lead to a slippery slope of taking my deer rifle.

We have already discussed how all the outlaws have grenade launchers and machine guns. Now the guv’ment even wants to take our deer rifles. Fully automatic weapons have been tightly regulated since 1934, and it is only a matter of days before that slippery slopes down to my deer rifle! Even if you believe in regulating Nuclear Arms it will all slip, slip, slippery slide to my deer rifle. If you believe in regulating Nucler Arms on down you are Hitler.

8) The only thing protecting the 1st Amendment is the 2nd!!

Only my rifle can protect us from a tyrannical guv’ment. If they try to make me register to assemble, I will need my rifle to prove my point. Some think democracy and voting will protect us from a third Obama term, but I know it is my rifle. I can totally take down an M1 Abrams tank or an Apache Helicopter. I got skills. The NRA knows we don’t need any of those other Amendments like the 4th,5th, or 8th. Just the 2nd baby!

9) The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun!

The Sandy Hook tragedy would have been stopped if only there had been a good guy with a gun. His mother was a law abiding citizen who had lots and lots of guns. Some would think that she was a “good guy with a gun, or lots of them”, but she wasn’t a guy. I think the NRA policy says it has to be a good guy with a gun.

10) And most of all, the 2nd Amendment protects your right to own a gun!!

You cannot regulate a right. We’ve talked about that. Even though the Amendment has “well regulated” right in the description, I believe that was an autocorrect quill error.


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