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Tim Pawlenty’s jokes crash land at RNC, no survivors

by The Big E on August 31, 2012 · 1 comment

Former Minnesota Governor and failed 2012 Presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty tried out some new material at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, FL. His lack of charisma and inability to tell a joke hindered his ability to get his campaign airborne. Truthfully, his campaign never really made it that far down the runway.

But he hoped a friendly crowd and new material might resurrect his future in Republican politics. It most likely didn’t. Reviews were bad and worse.

- “Good evening everyone, and welcome to Barack Obama’s retirement party!”

- “I hear Joe’s (Biden) particularly interested in tonight’s proceedings. He even thought about coming here to Tampa. And he’s taking notes because when Paul Ryan speaks, Joe will finally get to hear what a real vice president sounds like!

- “But you know, President Obama isn’t as bad as people say, he’s actually worse.”

- “The president takes more vacations than that guy on the Bizarre Foods show.”

- “And I’ll give Barack Obama credit for creating jobs these last four years – for golf caddies.”

- “I’ve come to realize that Barack Obama is the tattoo president. Like a big tattoo, it seemed cool when you were young.
But later on, that decision doesn’t look so good, and you wonder: what was I thinking?”

- “Barack Obama’s failed us. But look, it’s understandable. A lot of people fail at their first job.”

- “With any luck, in a few months, Barack Obama will at last get some experience in the private sector.”
(Bring Me The News)

It’s pretty clear from his delivery why these jokes failed.

But the swipe at my friend Andrew Zimmern, host of Bizarre Foods, was particularly lame. Andrew responded …

I loved the shout out. It would have been nice if you mentioned my name since we have known each other pretty well for a dozen or so years, but I understand you’re being respectful and not making it personal. I do. And while we don’t agree on the issues, and are from very different sides of the aisle, the last thing I want to do is add to the acrimony. But where are you getting your facts? President Obama and I share a lot of passion and commitment to same issues, one of which is work ethic. I only take off a few days per month, I think I had 4 in August and only have 2 or 3 days off in September. And on those days I was sneaking work calls while my wife wasn’t looking and returning messages on my phone ’til the wee hours. The President doesn’t need me to remind the world that he never takes a day off. I had the privilege of seeing that up close and personal at the White House last spring when he spent half of a holiday working away while his family took care of his personal commitments. Thanks though for keeping the Minnesota love flowing and for putting me in such great company. Links below to all the fun for those that missed the Republican National Convention speeches last night.
(AndrewZimmern.com)

Then consider how many vacations the last Republican President took. Dubya spent 967 days on vacation or at some kind of retreat. That’s 120 per year. That means he only worked 245 days per year.

I want a job that gives me 24 weeks of vacation per year. I wanna be a lazy pig like His Shrubness.

EFC August 31, 2012 at 11:30 pm

T-Pander Rimshot could have delivered the ultimate joke: “Two Kleptocrats walk into a bar and declare ‘We just got elected to the highest offices in the land by leveraging secret cash, lies and ignorance…and we call it democracy!!’”  At least–if no one else–the elites who own the Republican Party would have found it amusing, and, that’s T-Pander’s real audience anyway.

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